20020228
We flow we fit. Like coffee seeping into the cracks of a cup.
We taste we sip. Satisfying gratifying desires we long
Sense of comfort in what we have.
Treasure and measure what we have become.
Individually I see, your life revealing.
So appealing so tempting so intriguing.
Just in you I see. Not my reflection I seek
but your life, I peek
In longing I look and search my place.
I see it. I want it.
My desires convince my needs.
Preoccupied, distracted, just to appease my greed.
Flowing in too fast. Dwindling down,
soaked and sucked.
Gravity overpowering, identity blurring.
Mental connection, provoking provincial minds.
In opening and dissecting, we find
Beyond contentment of a simple bond
Comes to expose the craving appetite
Deep desire, bare, for all to stare.
So now we must wonder where.
Is it going, is it stopping?
Will it end will it begin?
Too many questions in the air.
Do we dare?
I do
I finally have an answer.
And how and why you might wonder.
Because I care and I wanna stop this ponder
Whether or not you?re there,
In your bed, in your room, or on AIM
So here I am.
I want to
Be with you.
Do you?
:)
mmm ... do i ...
doob 20:15
20020207
.5
1/2
16 weeks
into the year, and I still feel unsettled.
I thought I had shed this skin of insecurity and frailness along with all doubt that I was a failure long ago. well, 7 weeks to be exact. I thought I had progressed past mere idleness and transitional woes and adapted, even grown from it. I thought I had been able to correct myself, evaluate my own life, my decisions, the impact every action implied and the consequences mistakes inherently carried. I thought life had new meaning and that I had become ready to reap from it new meaning for everything that it left in its wake. I thought I was ready.
I was wrong. or am I?
I have become more conscious, more aware, more sentient of the world around me, the atmosphere which pervades my world, the energies that flow throughout this plane of life. and yet this does me no good for it prevents action from reaction and leads to inaction. why? because I have become only conscious and not reactive.
The sinusoidal wave of my emotions has never more been apparent and I scold myself for having allowed myself to ride it with a board that can't even support what I want to do, that can't even keep my goals above water. But it sloshes me along like the Mavericks would even the best wave-rider and I give in.
I had/have given in to life and the tide of energy, leaving me extremely positive one minute, and utterly destroyed the next. I am relegated to positions of disappointment and aversion when only the hour before I stand utop podiums of confidence and undying optimism. I feel like a king, like the best that I can be, only to be struck down by that which seemingly confirms that I am the antithesis of my greatest dreams.
and so I trudge on.
I am still confused, still unfocused, still derailed. but at least I know it. but fuck me because I don't do anything about it. fuck me because I feel like I can't.
yet I will go on. because what else can I do?
doob 03:56
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